012710 doctor's visit.

for the past month and a half i've been having weird stomach pains in the middle of the night. it's gotten so bad that i either can't get to sleep at all or wake up in the middle of the night from the pain. if this usually is the case, i can't get back to sleep until it's light out. this is going to be impossible for me to deal with now that school has started so i went to the student health center to see a doctor and my jason came with me. :)

today, i woke up at 4am in pain then managed to fall back asleep until about 8. at which point i couldn't bear with the pain anymore. i waited about an hour and called jason to come over and keep me company. it's his day off and he still would wake up early just to make sure i was okay. after bickering about what to eat and after making an appointment for later in the afternoon, he took me to red robin. after, we hung out with daniel for a bit then went to stonestown and waited for my appointment. turns out i have an imbalance of the acid in my stomach and the doctor said he wanted to take a blood test to see if there is an ulcer. after, jason and i went for some frozen yogurt then hung out at my park for a while. then he took me home.

even though today started out crappy and ended quickly, i still had fun. i love you jason miller!

011810 does that make me crazy?

thinking about my past. my ugly ugly past. i had an ex-boyfriend. he was basically a modern napoleon bonaparte. he was a little smaller than most men, but liked to make up for that difference in size with his inflated ego. he was a pretentious bastard. he liked making me feel like an idiot. and i was an idiot. i was an idiot for staying with him for however long i stayed with him. he was abusive. physically and emotionally. he would hit and kick me, then call me fat and stupid. he was insecure. he always had to be the authoritative figure. he liked being in power. he liked being in charge. he thought he was the biggest hotshot around and that he was just the most awesome person in the world.

when i finally realized that enough was enough, i ended things with him. but the story doesn't end there. oh no. in fact, it gets quite interesting. he made up girls and said they gave him so much attention and that they "wanted him" to try and make me jealous. he started to try and guilt me into getting back together with him. when i refused, he took another road. he threatened to kill himself. when that didn't work (because i knew he was an idiot and a liar) he threatened me. he threatened to sue me. he threatened to ruin my life. he made ridiculous demands. this was the last straw. i stopped talking to him. he didn't stop lying about me behind my back, but that's okay because those people he talked to knew better.

i have to say that that year and a half was a complete waste of time. i was better than that. i am better than that. i don't say i regret stuff often, but that relationship was full of regrets.

oh the wonders of being vulnerable.

011210 the man on 33rd and vicente

i took a walk to the beach today. google maps says that from here to there and back is about 2.2 miles.

on my way back from the beach, i ran into the man on 33rd and vicente and his dog, winston. he sits there all afternoon waving to passersby smiling and asking them how they are. today i stopped and said hello. he told me his dog's name is winston and that he's a havanese. i told him i had a pomeranian years back. then i asked him how he was. he got quiet then stuttered. he said he had a stroke. i said i was sorry and he said not to be, and that he was getting better. he pointed to his right leg, his right arm and the right side of his face and said he was getting stronger. then lifted his right leg three times to show me. i said that i was glad. i then told him to have a nice day, gave winston a pat on the head and shook the man's head. he kissed the back of my hand lightly and said i was a lovely girl. i walked away smiling.

i don't often have encounters like these, so when they happen, they tend to stick. i can't help but wonder whether he has a family or kids and if he lives with them. part of me wants to make him cookies and lemonade, but considering he had a stroke and was still slightly paralyzed, i figured he might end up choking on it.

i need to go for walks more often.

011210 rain rain...

it's raining!

lame.

last friday me, jason, chris and yan yan went to tahoe. it was fun... for the most part. lol. i had a good time with jason though.

saturday, i got my blood drawn. left a nice bruise on my arm. yup.

sunday i made spring rolls.

today i finished them off. noms.

classes start in two weeks, oh no!

luckily i have most of the classes i needed. wooo. i'm on the waiting list for three classes though.

average.

010110 happy new year!

Happy New Year!

So the year changes from 2009 to 2010. Big deal.

I know, I'm so negative. I could really care less about the new year though.

I could really care less about a lot of things, to be honest. It sucks. I hate whenever I get in this mood. But whenever I do, I just don't care about anything. I want to care. I just don't.

Jason Miller, I love you. Remember that.

121809 shopping!

i know people say a girl shouldn't be materialistic, but i just can't help it!

no, i'm kidding.

my lovely boyfriend JASON MILLER took me shopping today!

first he picked me up from home. i waited for sara to come by because i was giving her a calendar. jason met both saras. then we went to stonestown! he bought lunch. we ate at boudin. mmm boudin. i had a half a roast beef sandwich and tomato bread soup. he had a roast beef and harvati cheese sandwich an clam chowder in a bread bowl. theeen we walked around. he bought me stuff even when i said i didn't want him to. he's amazing. he really is.

i had a great day. and hopefully he'll get his great day tomorrow/today!

121409 classes.

i have about two hours before registration. i'm excited. so far, my classes that i want still have room. hopefully they will stay open. i'm keeping my fingers crossed!

i have one final tonight and then one online this week. then i am done with school. woooo!

i thought jason had wednesday off.. so we made plans to go to the exploratorium. sadface he has thursday off. i guess we could go next next month or something.

i'm being fat right now. eating fried eggs, spam and rice. yum.

121209 registering for classes.

i finally have a prospective schedule. again, i've got four classes on tuesday and thursday with two online classes. that's actually kind of a full load. i need to think about that. meh. i've done it before. i should be able to do it again. finally i'm junior standing. i'm starting classes for my segment 3 GE cluster now. i wanted to take foods, but there were some classes that weren't being offered that i really wanted. then i wanted to try and do law and society, but none of the classes had any seats. so i finally settled on human development. if that's a flop then i'll do asian american studies or something. oh college, why must you be so demanding?

yesterday i went to westmoor's winter banquet. it was good seeing cruz and jerremy and their baby. i love him. he's like a little cherub angel. concert was good. food was decent. jason's an awesome boyfriend for coming with me. thank you dahling!

121109 now add a gallon of rain.

cold + rain = more cold.

i hate when things don't go as planned. i really really do. whether it's due to circumstances beyond anyone's control or not i just hate when plans fall through. i hate not having a car. this could all be avoided if i had one. i'm always the one left out. most bars and lounges close by 2 and i can't sneak out until after my parents are asleep which can range anywhere between 11pm-1am meaning i get to miss out on EVERYTHING.

i took a nap earlier anticipating going out and staying up a little, but since i'm not, i'm wide awake. fts.

120909 so so cold.

WHY IS IT SO FREEEEZING.

i like the cold, but this is ridiculous.

going for sushi in japantown with chris and yan yan today. then gonna go back to yan yan's to hang out and wait for jason to get off work. yay good plan for a day.

i just got back from my campus tours interview. exciting. it was really not that bad. it was all of 10 minutes long. sleeeepy.