Fuck December

Almost exactly four years ago, I started to fall for you after you had already fallen for me. 

It's hard to believe how everything seemed to turn around so quickly. We were both so in love, you go on this trip and come back, completely changed. I don't understand what happened. There were so many things we were supposed to do... together. December was OUR month. December was the month that we started to fall for each other, and each and every December that we've had together after that has been special. This year, December can burn a fiery death. Fuck December. We will never get to do any of the things that you promised me. We will never go ice skating (after 3 and a half years of begging, you had finally relented, and now, we'll never go). We will never go look at the Christmas lights. We will never go to the new Cheesecake Factory. So much more that you've promised me, and you've broken every single one of those promises. Because you've broken the biggest promise of all. You promised me that you would be with me forever, through anything and everything. You promised me that you would love me forever, through anything and everything. You promised me that I would be the only person you would love, ever. You promised me. & now, you've gone back on your promises. You've broken my heart, and everything that I ever wished for that I found in you, has disappeared. You were someone who had everything I wanted and more, and somehow, you've lost him. You've allowed yourself to get confused and lost and now, you're just... I don't even know.

Every night, I feel completely alone. No matter how many friends I talk to, no matter how many friends I cry to, I feel completely and utterly alone. I feel like I'm in a deep dark hole, and I keep falling deeper and deeper. You say that I'm stronger than you are. How? How can I be stronger than you if I feel the need to talk to you all the time like we used to and you merely ignore my texts and calls? How can I be stronger than you if I cry every single night over you and you just seem to be completely fine? How can I be stronger than you if I need you, but you don't seem to need me?